❀ 5th Konpeito ❀ [Text]

[konpeitoqueen]

[A strange text comes onto the network. Wait, what's that name? No one's seen her since Poolgate 2014, what's-]

how do you get muk grime out of your hair

[No one's seeing her face yet... though, no one in their right mind would be really worried with her sudden lack of presence. After that Spoink horde.

...SERIOUSLY. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET MUK GRIME OUT OF YOUR HAIR.]

Comments

[konpeitoqueen]

if you're not going to tell me why would you even take the time to talk to me in the first place??

idiot

[DON'T THINK SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, OLD MAN.] unless you're some kind of loli pedo trying to play hard-to-get, because ew!!!

[lieutenantantichrist]

all you have to do is ask nice

[he's just sent that when he gets the rest of the message and recoils. He doesn't know what the hell a loli is, but pedo is pretty clear.]

What the fuck is wrong with you!

[konpeitoqueen]

as if i'll ask YOU nicely

why did you contact me in the first place if you weren't going to help immediately??? ew no one should be so buddy-buddy with me even if i know them!!! gross!!!!

[lieutenantantichrist]

I was thinking that if you apologized for being a goddamn brat, I might tell you the one thing that'll keep you from smelling like a garbage dump for a month.

[His grip on the phone gets white-knuckled.] You don't just run around calling people fucking pedophiles, kid!

[konpeitoqueen]

i don't NEED to get help from you

and why not? especially since i just seem to attract them like flies! a girl like me is always in high demand

[Sorry, Blake. She doesn't give a shit if you're a cop.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

Then what did you put out a damn bulletin for?

[Wait a minute. That sounds serious. The cop part of his brain snaps awake.]

There's grown fucking men hounding you? Give me names and descriptions.

OH NO

[konpeitoqueen]

well, i don't need help from you

[And- wait hold on what.

Weeeeell. Saionji doesn't think Blake can actually do much, so... hey, it'll be amusing!]

i don't know if they're actual grown men, because they're so childish!!! but have you heard of Yusuke? Walter? Bertholdt, Kayneth, Joker?

[RUH ROH]

[not even here]

[pipers_son]

[Somewhere, Joker sneezes as he tries to take in a cup of coffee. HUH. For some weird reason, he feels like someone's walked over his grave...]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Bless you.]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake's about to mark out some guys for a beating, but...]

You're calling all of those guys pedophiles.

[konpeitoqueen]

[Yes, officer.

Every single one of these people are pedophiles.]

uwaaaah, for what other reason would they be so buddy-buddy with me??? even allies shouldn't seek me out so often!

[Saionji Hiyoko, SHSL Life-Ruiner]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[He goes to one of the standard questions for child witnesses. If this was in person, it would be in Blake's impression of a kindly voice.]

Do you know the difference between the truth and a lie?

[konpeitoqueen]

obviously!! i'm not an idiot you know!

[THIS IS GONNA BITE HER BACK IN THE ASS SO HARD]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[If it had been one guy, Blake might've gone right after him, but things got more and more unlikely with every name on the list.]

Do you just think everybody who talks to you is a pedophile or something? Including the punk teenager?

[konpeitoqueen]

[...Yes?]

those few are obviously not everybody who talks to me!!!

'punk' is just another word for 'pretentious wannabe' anyway you can't trust how they're like on the surface

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake snorts at the screen.] Believe me, I'm not gonna argue with you there. The brat's a pain in the ass. That doesn't make him a kiddy-toucher, though.

[konpeitoqueen]

are you saying you don't believe me??? how cruel!!!

[Saionji is literally Wankgate

Right down to deetless namedrops that probably boil down to OP having a grudgeboner]

[lieutenantantichrist]

How about you tell me exactly what happened. Start with, say, Kayneth.

[konpeitoqueen]

weeeell

[TIME TO MAKE SHIT UP PHRASE HERSELF PROPERLY]

i met him when i first arrived over the network and we argued because he was being a dumb pig. i could almost smell the stench over the gear! and then he just kept coming into my posts for some reason

[BECAUSE YOU DO THAT TO HIM, SAIONJI]

but the worst part is when he just happened to visit the Ecruteak Dance Theater while i was there!!! i'm not accepting any bullshit 'coincidence' excuse that reeks of lying, i'm sure he's onto something!!! ew gross i'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it!!!!!

[lieutenantantichrist]

[Blake's starting to get a clearer picture here.]

Talking to you and being in the same room as you isn't assault. I mean has he tried to do anything to you?

[konpeitoqueen]

are you saying you don't believe me??? how mean!!!!

[Note how she doesn't actually bring up evidence...]

[lieutenantantichrist]

You didn't answer my question.

Look, kid. If something happens, you should tell somebody so they can beat the shit out of the asshole, but this isn't the kind of thing to make up stories about.

[konpeitoqueen]

[BUT THIS ISN'T MADE UP okay who is she kidding...]

boy you must be a really useless cop aren't you

ah well i don't need help dealing with creeps anyway!!!